Thursday, 4 March 2010

*ahem* I don't mean to be rude, but.....

Recently a woman was pushed onto the tracks at Farningham station for telling a man to stop smoking. Queue a hundred keyboard warriors rounding up some internet outrage and complaining about her being a fascist who deserved it. Yes, really. Don't bother to look it up, it'll only make your brain bleed.

Anyway, I have a better theory.

Let them smoke.

Let them smoke as much as they damn well like.

Reduce the price of cigarettes to 4 pence a pack, and give away free chewing gum and air freshener with every pack. Hell, make each cigarette play a happy little tune as it slowly burns down towards their pretty little yellow fingers.

Let them rejoice in their freedom, let them walk the streets safe in the knowledge that I can no longer walk behind them coughing loudly every time I get a face full of their lungs.



I've seen people dying of cancer, it's fucking horrible. But in 60 years time when these idiots are looking 90 years older, breathing through a whole in their throat, lying there, barely able to move or speak, there's going to be that one beautiful moment where I go skipping past the window, pockets bulging with the thousands of pounds I never spent on cigarettes, as I make my way to some apocalyptic late life crisis, and finish myself off with the worlds largest recorded heart attack!

Then, and ONLY then, if they can sit there and muster the strength to tell me that they were right, that we were being cruel, heartless Nazis, will I concede the point. Until then.....*cough* *cough cough cough* *cough cough*.............*cough*

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