Saturday, 26 January 2008

Institutionaly stupid

I just got a phone call.

This proves two things. Firstly that on a long enough time line, someone, somewhere WILL want to talk to me (aside from ‘that’ woman *shudder*), and secondly, well okay there was only really one thing that it proved.

Anyway, you can only begin to imagine my excitement when it was a female voice at the other end of the line! (Again, not ‘her’ *shudder*)

Slightly less interestingly however they were from Barclays fraud protection team. Or so they said. Quickly getting over my initial euphoria I started paying a little more, serious, attention. Apparently they wanted to talk about some activity on my account, but before they did that they needed to prove I was me. Fair enough, but seeing as I wasn’t born yesterday I was staying quiet until they proved to me that they were them, and not working for Stavros from Somewerestan just east of fucking nowhere.

Apparently they can’t do that.

I’ll run that one through again.

Barclays fraud team, the people who tell us not to give out personal details, to check our statements, cover our pin numbers and use 56 letter passwords so obscure that you have to write them down (but not to write them down), are calling their customers, luring them with tales of some strange bearded man with excessive sand in his shoes, may or may not be slowly whiling away their life savings. And then expect you to tell them your name, address, date of birth, and if your girlfriend prefers ribbed or feather lite. All without even so much as attempting to prove who they are!

Which fucking work experience kid did they employ to come up with that policy? And we’re supposed to trust these people? Suddenly I understand why everyone who’s ever contemplated using a blue rinse has spent the majority of the past 7 days queuing outside branches of Northern Rock and making space under the mattress.

Dear God.

Anyway, naturally I told them nothing, and instead called them back (using the number on the back of my card, rather than something starting 0891 that they’d probably have offered me). Naturally the first person knew nothing, and then 10 minutes on hold later they decided that putting the phone down on customers was the best way of tackling fraud in the 21st Century. Another phone call later and having been left on hold for 40 minutes, and still nobody will talk to me.

This really does prove two things.

Firstly, the first call was a blip, no matter how long the time line, even people who are paid to talk to me don’t want to. Secondly that I’ve actually got 40 minutes to spend listening to an automated voice tell me that my call is important to it. And now I’m telling all of you about it.
Christ what have I done with my life……..

Anyway, a quick look online and it appears that I’m not bank rolling some rucksack wearer with too many Z’s in his name, and everything is pretty much as was.

Which is nice.

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