A few months back, in a fit of political correctness gone mad, we all awoke one morning to discover that referring to anyone as ‘love’ was derogatory, insulting, and even, dare I mention it, degrading. Managers were swiftly informed that any customers or staff found using such vulgarity were to be kicked out or disciplined, and the entire population of northern England was swiftly rounded up and shot.
Today we learn that while the rampant fascism that permeates through the English language continues unabated, we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief that the knights in shining armour that are Chichester District Council have come thundering to our collective aid. In a crushing blow for all that is right in the world, they’ve acted to ban the use of the terms: “Manning the switchboard”, and the ever alarming “Man in the street”. The latter, and presumably the former, being terrifyingly used to depict a society where female roles are all but non-existent, that the world is solely a male realm and the role of women is completely invisible. Blimey. If only someone had mentioned to Hitler that you can eliminate an entire sex, regardless of any other sub-classification, by a simple stroke of a pen, perhaps we could have avoided all that nasty World War 2 business entirely.
Worryingly Chichester Council appears to make no comment on the future of the human race, nor what we might be expected to call women from now on, but I sit here in eager anticipation of the announcement of my new species, and welcome with open arms the announcement of an entirely new gender.