Friday, 30 March 2012

Petrol hoarding peasants

A woman in somewhere called Yorkshire, has just been admitted to hospital suffering burns. Which is unfortunate. Well, it would be unfortunate until you start to take into account the rest of the story.  At which point you're left with a very different feeling.

So, how did this Kentucky Fried turn of events come to pass? Was there a gas leak that went bang after the electrics were switched on? Nope. Was there some other malfunction causing things to catch fire that she frantically tried to put out before any more damage could be done? Nope. Was there some kind of chip pan fire? Nope. Had the kids gotten to some matches that they shouldn't have and caused a disaster? Nope.

Any of those things, quite frankly, would have been entirely reasonable, and highly unfortunate. Tragically for the species however, none of there are remotely close to what actually happened.

So what did happen?

Well, on Wednesday it was announced that someone, somewhere, might, at some point, decide not to go to work for a few days. As such the Government, in what can only be described as diversionary tactics to stop everyone crying into their newly over priced pasties, decided that the only reasonable course of actions to remedy these entirely hypothetical events was to suggest that everyone rush out and buy as much fuel as humanly possible, just in case something imaginary were to take place before bed time.

So, as a result our northern rocket surgeon decided, after looking at these facts, that her best course of action was, much as herself, simple:
  1. Rush out to the nearest petrol emporium and panic buy fuel she didn't need
  2. Store as much of it as possible it in various things that weren't fuel tanks 
  3. Empty them out it in her kitchen
  4. Ensuring while doing this that the fucking cooker is switched on, and right next to her.
I'm guessing she doesn't list 'Science' among her GCSEs. In fact I'm guessing that by the time she got as far as 'G' in the alphabet she had to stop for a sit down that's lasted the best part of 20 years and counting.

Basically this is the intellectual equivalent of sticking your head in a lion's mouth and giving it a good hard slap on the bollocks just to see what happens. As for the rest of us; this is exactly what happens to society when we allow political correctness to stand in the way of natural selection. We have far, FAR, too many people in this country, thinning out the ranks of the morons can only ever be a good thing. If we keep treating them and pandering to these displays of rampant intellect we all know what will happen. Cyclists will continue to consider themselves special, South Eastern rail will continue to find employees, and the phrase 'may contain nuts' will still be considered an entirely reasonable use of packaging space that could otherwise have been filled with cute pictures of kittens.

So stop it, all of you! For the good of society, think twice before you help someone. Do this for just a year, and maybe, just maybe, we can resolve this whole lack of food and water thing, and start achieving something better than bureaucracy as a race.

Friday, 2 March 2012

Politicaly correct job centres to end civilisation.

I was just pointed in the direction of this display of abject stupidity. In summary it argues that by discounting applications from people with lower qualifications than you asked for, an employer is breaching someone's human rights.

Yup, someone actually, in all seriousness thought that through, wrote about it, and then when to themselves, 'yes, this, this is something I wish to put my name to'.

Allow me to clarify. Or, alternatively, just get annoyed now and leave me comments about me being a Sexist Nazi Paedo who's trying to ruin everyone's lives. You know, proper internet level debating logic, that kind of thing.

Right, now that we've cleared out the bleeding heart crowd, lets move on.

Assuming that ability and intelligence is only a measure of the letters someone has attached to their name, is, painfully bloody obviously, stupid. I know this, and hopefully, so do you. For example I interviewed a guy last week who, on paper, had all the relevant qualifications and experience, and in person came across as though nature fucked up when it allowed him to graduate from his fathers crusty gym sock. And yes, that process works very much in both ways.

But, claiming that it's discriminatory to state qualification grades is flawed on such a basic level I'm amazed I even have to point this out. But, just for fun, let's walk through this scenario to it's logical conclusion shall we. Discriminating against Graduates based on degree grade is wrong, okay, well, we can't have one rule for them and one for everyone else, after all, that's discriminatory (as in actually discriminatory, and not just bat shit mental hippy crap). So, we have to apply this everywhere. A-levels, GNVQs, GCSEs, none of these amount to shit anymore, because to be concerned about them is discriminatory. Instead, just change your CV to provide a vague description of stuff you think you're brilliant at, but ultimately cannot be measured on any sensible or relational scale and start applying for jobs.

Now, instead of having 20 applicants for every vacancy in this recession, we now have thousands of them. It's impossible for any manager anywhere to ever  asses every applicants CV, so every applicant now has an open door to sue for discrimination as they can argue they were more than qualified for the position. They, of course, will all win. This because it's impossible to provide a decent defense under the circumstances because it was impossible to vet all the CVs in the first place. As a result companies can't afford to pay the fines, everyone goes out of business, and nobody anywhere has a job. That in turn devalues the currency to the point of it being worthless, meaning nothing can be paid for, but as nobody has a job, there's nobody to do anything about that either, so that's also pointless. So, there's no money, and no jobs, and no employers, and nobody doing anything about it as we're all too spoon-fed into thinking everything is everyone else's fault. Soon the infrastructure collapses and there's fuck all of anything else left either. And within 3 weeks everyone's resorted to chewing on the bones of anyone smaller than them for sustenance and the whole country has turned into a scene from a Saturday night in Glasgow.

So here's a better idea. If you're the type of person who wants to remove the educational level requirements, how about we just re-asses the entire application process, and instead arrange to lower a contract into a field of unemployed people, and give the job to which ever person either a) survives the brawl for the contract, or b) is smart enough to stand to the side watching the rest of these under qualified retards fight it out amongst themselves.